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‘WE WILL EXTERMINATE ALL OF YOU!’ vows homocidal, mutant life-form.
Auckland’s Mayoral elections are hotting up with the announcement of yet another candidate hoping to wear the Mayor’s chain of office after October’s elections. Local business-being Dalek Snowdon made his announcement at a lunchtime gathering in Aotea Square yesterday, pledging to rid the city of all humanoid life forms by mid 2008 if elected.
“For too long this city has been run by weak politicians, too scared to take the tough decisions!” Announced Snowdon, “You will vote for me and submit to rule by Daleks! The supreme beings! I give you my personal guarantee that each and every one of you will be EXTERMINATED when I am Mayor!”
Commentators were quick to note that this candidacy looks sure to split the right wing vote even further. “Current favourite John Banks could lose some support to Snowdon,” observes political columnist Fardon Widget, “The Dalek is known to have a very tough stance on issues like rates, red tape and having humans exterminated. Given the idiotic fixation that many Aucklanders have for half mad, despotic leadership, I think you have to say that Snowdon is in with a chance.”
Other right wing groups are also sounding cautious support for a Dalek Mayoralty. Melvin Peevish, a spokesman for the Destiny Church sounded enthusiastic yesterday. “During this mayoral election we’ve heard a lot of talk of rates, water charges and the upgrade of the downtown area,” he said, “But we seem to be ignoring the most important issue of all, which is that Auckland needs a leader who never has S.E.X! Or even thinks about it! "Now looking at the current front runners in this campaign, it would be pretty safe to say that feverish bedroom romps are probably not a big part of their lives, but how can we be absolutely sure? By electing the only candidate with no genitals of any kind! That is why the Destiny Church will be urging their members to vote for Dalek Snowdon. "Also, we approve of the fact that this candidate has clearly stated that he ‘Hates Everybody’. Now given that ‘Everybody’ must include Gay People, we’d have to say that Dalek Snowdon really speaks our language.”• |
